Jump to content

Advise on becoming a Redneck'


on the lam

Recommended Posts

Pee off the porch? Childs play! To wave at the nearest greasy handed, butt crack showin neighbor who lives up the dirt road a piece as you drain it off the porch (made of pallets) is a given. That goes for sis and the little mrs. too! Want to really impress them, piss off the roof! Remember... point it straight at them so they cant see how long your hammer is. Another tip for the fancier folks who can afford a cell phone and embrace modern technologies is to take a video of the piss stream you cut loose out of your tree stand after you whack back a few and send it to all your contacts including your mother. Budweiser is like mothers milk BTW, a true necter of the gods. If you really want your new neighbors to raise their low brows and give you the official nod which is a quick downward twitch of the head (which you will come to know as only a red neck would), you need to fill your wifes doe tag out the bedroom window before you leave for work with nothing on but your piss stained "whitey not so tighties" (cause you been running them for better part of a week)

You already have the diesel powered truck but a "diesel fumes make me horny" sticker emblazend on the back window will make the little misses envied by all the girls at the bowling alley. Just a couple ideas for you buddy! You have promise I have to say. Maybe a educational field trip to Pharsalia to see Andy and maybe a trip to the Mcdonough general store for a slice of bologna is in order. I cant wait to come see your new place Pete. I want to put the crosshairs on that handicapped boar you have gimpin (redneck for limping) around your spread. From the ****ter window of course! Tree any three of these suggestions which can be considered a redneck tri-fecta Pete and you will have every redneck, purpleneck and even the patriarchal MAROON NECKS given you the welcome nod as you pass by them doing 90 on the hard road into town

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Man with all the great tips i feel im not needed on this site anymore,maybe i missed a few ...Guess ill go sit on the couch and clean my shotgun on the front porch. Used to have a rocker out there but the couch i found along the road is real comfy,with plent of room for Duke. Not many flat stones wher i live but i found old tires make a sweet fence if ya stack em right . I like to stick a 55gal barrel under the downspout then ya can dip the laddel without going in the house for a sip. Hey speekin of barrels yer gonna need a good burn barrel,take my advice on this one and dont try them thar plastic ones they are purdy but seem to melt pretty quick.

Hey probly shouldnt give away the oll ladys secret idea ,But she got them chickens to roost on the back porch,so she ant gotta waddel out to the coop no more to get some eggs.

dam the rooster just let loose guess its time to go check the fire ..............................under the still!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I forgot bumper stickers. There was a P/U down the road from me with the classic "Git R Dun" bumper sticker on it and last week I saw a 15 inch bumber sticker that said "I B o o bies" on an old Jimmy. I also forgot T - shirts and hats. Someone mentioned John Deere ealrier but to me that's just a farmers hat. If you get it from the county fair, its redneck.

Also, judging by some recent posts in the trib section, Some might think you have to grab your reef pole and rig with power pro and 4oz drop shot and go get sum salmons. Those salmons really go after those crazy eggs this time of year. :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Anyway after all the thought that has gone into this, and all the different ways I could try to fit in, I have come to the conclusion that it will just never work! and thats because there is one thing that keeps popping up! that one thing that will just not go away,

the ultimate disqualifer, the grand daddy of all things thats is Redneck! I really don't like Labatts Blue :(

Any thoughts? :beer:

HEY :o , I drink Labatt's Blue GRRRRRRRRRRR

:lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Don't forget the fully illuminated, chromium plated ballsack hangin under the rear bumper of yer lifted truck. No true redneck can beat yer truck to the other end of the mud pit when you got an uncasterated bully dog kit complete with testosterone injection!

[ Post made via Android ] Android.png

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Anyway after all the thought that has gone into this, and all the different ways I could try to fit in, I have come to the conclusion that it will just never work! and thats because there is one thing that keeps popping up! that one thing that will just not go away,

the ultimate disqualifer, the grand daddy of all things thats is Redneck! I really don't like Labatts Blue :(

Any thoughts? :beer:

HEY :o , I drink Labatt's Blue GRRRRRRRRRRR

:lol:

NO NO NO,,,,,,Bob!....It's ....AWE-Grrrrrrrr

That's what a auger is!

[ Post made via Android ] Android.png

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So let me get this straight...... is the term "keepin' in the family" refers to what might happen with one or more of my wife neice's or cousins behind a barn, at the end of a pig roast/wedding !! stinkin' drunk?? :beer::inlove:

Also is it appropriate to keep an article of clothing (bra/panties) to brag to my buddies with???

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Kinda hard to become a redneck, living only 30 miles from the big city, don't ya think? Besides, I figure a person is born a redneck. I know a guy who has been trying for years and still hasn't got it right.

Ya might be part redneck if you can pee anywhere within 1000 feet of your house without being seen by the neighbor, which I can. ;) and guess what... you got it. :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I find some of these stereo types hurtful. Some of the most intelligent people I know are rednecks. It doesn't matter how successful they are cuz everybody else just thinks they are idiots and morons because they might have slept with their cousin and eat a little road kill from time to time. One thing mentioned above is absolutely true. If you weren't a redneck yesterday there is no way at all you will ever become one tomorrow.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sum reference fer ya ta go by Pete....some are from Lyntucky...and sum from Cornball..(corning)...cousin Rays crib.

373284_305271892843403_114303084_n.jpg

upload pictures

Required t-shirt

trashybdayfairysz.jpg

image ru

Queen of yer 12 by 65 example

angry_puppy_27722170_142505107_large.jpg

image hosting sites

Yer guard dog fer the yard...when he grows up :lol:

cooler_Small.jpg

picture sharing

Redneck cooler

yard_swing_Small.jpg

photo upload

Rays idear when the woman is feelin like swangin

thanks_Small.jpg

image hosting sites

Example of a Lyntucky thanks givin

[ Post made via Android ] Android.png

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...