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Advise on becoming a Redneck'


on the lam

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Make sure ya git the ol geezer (he's at least 85 or yerin old) that kinda makes his way down the road every 2 or 3 days, wit the wet pants, his regula bottle o' Old Yellowstone every now n then.....that could keep ya'll from gittin that ticket from the constable cause he's the judge's daddy.......er...grandaddy...Once ya git ta knowin' folks ya won't hafta wurry bout puttin' on no airs..... then its :beer::beer::beer::beer::beer:.... Keystone or Icehouse 'll do fer now....

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Red-neck animal control...there's a whole thesis in there somewhere :D

Once had a colony of bats living behind the chimney in an old rental up on the hill when I was a kid. Here's a word to the wise: don't slide a piece of plywood between the chimney and the house to try to roust them, unless you want a house full of bats. It took Grandad three days with a fishing net and hammer to take care of the issue.

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From my neck of the woods, proly best you could be called is a G-Neck. That’s short for magenta-neck. But never full red.

On a serious note, pulling your house behind your truck is rough on transmissions. :(:rofl:

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Pete, if you're gonna try to pull this off, do not store your 'ray there or even have a pic of it in the house. At a glance, you can tell the owner is no redneck, heck he might even be the kinda guy who asks you to remove your shoes when entering his pole barn to see his deer!

Secondly, and this will be much tougher, NO NY Football Giants apparel!!! Fer cryin' out loud, day don't even have cheerleaders to "sweat" dering dem slower ballgames!

Even with all of this, they will find you out. Still, sure is nice to walk out back and shoot stuff and burn stuff.

Good luck with the move!

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We used to travel from Rochester to Brennan's Beach every weekend. I noticed along the way old boats in yards. You definately need a "DIRT BOAT." A boat that has a blown engine or outdrive and sits on a trailer with flat tires and is stripped of any fishing equipment. Good Luck! Steve......................"BTW trailer is optional! :rofl:

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You'll fit right in Pete !!

Fisherman/Redneck: All in the same .....

Walk around in the summer with a red neck as it's sunburned because you were out in the sun all day working/fishing

Somewhat bold/outspoken? No different from many of the New Englanders vs. the redneck originators from the Southern US

Fisherman/Rednecks are mostly pickup truck owners

Own dogs, guns and drink cheap beer

As Foxworthy said: Typically the glorious absence of sophistication

If Pete ever yells out "Hey y'all, watch this!" I would run !!!

Tom

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Pete....you might never become a real"red" redneck...but you can become a guy with redneck tendencies. One day , a few years from now ,after shopping at wal-mart ,you"ll stop and say to yourself " I'm a doggone redneck".I got them tendencies Pete....I have even killed rattlesnakes in my yard with a golf club, a shovel , a pinch bar and a pogo stick! Not to mention a shotgun and 22 !! You 're gonna have a blast living the red neck life Pete.

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Well all I have to say is thanks for all the Redneck information :yes: Its apparant that there are some real professionals here and some of the suggestions are really attractive but I must say I think i'm in over my head. To imagine that I could walk into a bar in Chenango County, or attend a shotgun wedding near Corning with my hair buzzed, wearing clean cloths a talking like I went to school beyong the 6th grade is troubling. I mean I would feel like I should just hit the biggest guy as hard as I could, then submit to the beating I will surely get. I mean I'm the guy who tailgates your ****ty pickup on the highway.... I'm the guy who talks so fast tat all you can say is "HUH" I'm the guy who can pick up your girlfriend while you watch!! rednecks hate guys like me!!

One time I ran a horse and buggy with a bride and groom in it off the road on Senaca St. in Oswego as I raced back to the boat after piccking up beer at Fast trak!! and BTW, the fat blaeched blond bride with a bad perm gave me the finger and her 120lb groom threw a can of Blue at my truck!!

The redneck friends that I do have teach me enough to stay safe when I mingle with professional reds' and at the same time have a good time. I have been in deer camps with hardcore rednecks and I felt like I was on death row! But after a while they got used to me, I think I was a source of entertainment for them! Anything to stay alive is the way I look at it!!

So at the end of the day all I can do I wonder... wonder what it would have been like to be a real redneck ;( Living a life of 'why' me.. why couldn't I have been born on a farm?? Damn!!! :( and there is nothing I can compare the feeling to.... the feeling that you want to be something so bad all you can do is dream about it, its kinda like... I don't know like something that you know that will never happen in a million years... like, well, like the Buffolo Bills ever becoming a real football team!! :rofl::rofl::*:beer:

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Pete,

We all had fun with it. Rednecks are good people. You just need to differentiate between the white trash and the redneck. If they all look the same to you then you are definitely on the outside looking in. Don't forget Einstein's theory of relativity. It is all on how you perceive that person where you are standing. Relatively speaking, I am a redneck at work to a lot of my cohorts. Some think I am a lib tree hug commy (because they are stupid and mean). I hired a bigger RN than me (from PA) and when he gets worked up it shows. When he starts off on a rant I joke with everyone that I hired him to make me look more normal. His last one was about a stolen trail cam. He shared with everybody and started learning how to booby trap the whole woods. A redneck gets even or at least wants to. Rednecks also have your back. They are usually the people who are there first to lend you a hand when you are in need. Slid off the road in PA one winter in black ice conditions (no cell service) and it was a couple of good ole boys out in there P/U passing time helping people get unstuck (this was the only reason they were out that night). Rednecks are more inclined to barter. Last year I traded 3 walleyes for 5 venison hearts. A redneck will stay up all night to make sure the pig doesn't catch on fire knowing that the success of ther next day's pig roast depends on him. And he will do it for a case of beer. You don't need to be one to be friends with them either. Just be yourself.

ANALOGY:

If you grew up in Virginia and travel to NY people think you are Southern. If you grow up in Virginia and goto Alabama people think you are a Yank. In either case that person is well equiped to converse with the north or the south. Throw that Bama person in NY (or vice versa) and there might be some tension. I think this is why Virginia is the state for lovers. :* Analogy might be off base but what I am trying to convey is that it is ok to be where you are at. You don't want to be too far Red or too far Yup. Right in the middle is best. You'll have more friends and probably better friends too. Want to break the ice. Cold beer. No micro stuff. Save that for your wife's firends' husbands. Remember what I said about killing something with an Axe. I verified with a few of my bigger redneck friends and they confirm. This is sure fire way to get dirt road cred. :yes:

Red til I am Dead,

Joe

(4 boats in the yard, also, 21 patents)

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Nice post Joe, the truth is i really do know my place in society and i believe i can walk with anyone. The description of myself was a bit of a fabrication but the horse n buggy incident really happened lol

I knew the topic would get a rise out of the boys and it was fun to read the comments.

For the people who really know me on this board they will tell u i am the furthest thing from a redneck, but i do enjoy hanging with them whether its hunting, fishing or just banging back beers. Its all good!!

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First off, I have no confidence in your plans. If a person thinks they can move from one spot in New Jersey to another spot in New Jersey to become a redneck then there is just no way they are ever going to get it.

But if you are determined to improve yourself then here are a few tips.

You are going to need a cloths line. Don’t put it in the back yard. It goes right out in the front yard so your family can show off all of your fancy stuff to your neighbors. And don’t put up no fancy new poles and fancy new line. All you need is some good old yellow nylon rope tied to the trees. And make sure when it is all loaded up the cloths drag in the dirt. If you make it nice and tight you will be just shown’ off and that will never go over well with the neighbors. That will get you started after awhile you can steal better stuff from next door.

You are going to save a lot of money with this setup. Just leave the cloths out there and let good old mother nature do the work. On a rainy day they get washed and when it’s sunny you get fresh cloths. No need to ever bring them inside.

You are going to need a burning barrel. But don’t be mislead by the name. There is never really a fire in it. It just smolders all day and the neighbors enjoy the fumes. You will find this very handy for neighborhood relations. If the neighbor has been ticking you off with something you just throw it in there and wait til the wind is blown’ the right way. He’ll get the message.

And you are going to need some livestock. Don’t worry about fences. There is a much better way to keep track of what's yours. Just put a mark of spray paint their sides. If you are sophisticated enough to know writing you could even write your name on them I suppose. You have to go through the neighborhood and pick out a color that hasn’t been used by anyone else. My neighbor uses yellow. I use black. He always asks me why I use black. I tell him because it covers up the yellow so well.

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