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on the lam

Advise on becoming a Redneck'

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Ok Pete i'll give you two years out in the sticks and redneck will start rubbing off on you ! Let me break it down for you . Becoming a NJ redneck . The first thing you will do when you come home from work is not give your wife a kiss hello. you will go in the back yard to make sure your corn pile is nice and high. Second you will make sure you can see your corn pile at the kitchen table . Third you will always have a weapon load ready at all times. Fourth you will have a spot light on your corn pile so you can see whats hitting it in the middle of the night. This is only the begins of becoming a NJ redneck .Good luck on your new home ! Need any help just give me a call.

Jersey Jim :beer::beer::beer::beer:

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Ok Pete i'll give you two years out in the sticks and redneck will start rubbing off on you ! Let me break it down for you . Becoming a NJ redneck . The first thing you will do when you come home from work is not give your wife a kiss hello. you will go in the back yard to make sure your corn pile is nice and high. Second you will make sure you can see your corn pile at the kitchen table . Third you will always have a weapon load ready at all times. Fourth you will have a spot light on your corn pile so you can see whats hitting it in the middle of the night. This is only the begins of becoming a NJ redneck .Good luck on your new home ! Need any help just give me a call.

Jersey Jim :beer::beer::beer::beer:

Great advise Jim :yes: I knew I could count on ya' :D:beer::beer:

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Hey oll buddy oll pain (opps pail) why dont ya just give us yer new addy and we'll have the place all set up for ya

I thought about it....... Naaa.

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Invite yer girlfriend/sister to dinner. ;)

It's what's for dinner tonight. With onions & catsup of course

& if'n ya really wanna dress it up, add a slice a tomato to the samich ;)

Brought to you by "Take A Tip From Bob" :lol:

baloney.jpg

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Invite yer girlfriend/sister to dinner. ;)

It's what's for dinner tonight. With onions & catsup of course

& if'n ya really wanna dress it up, add a slice a tomato to the samich ;)

Brought to you by "Take A Tip From Bob" :lol:

baloney.jpg

Thanks Bob. Ill look for the recipe in your cookbook!!!

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You could always become a Bills fan. It will force you to spend more time in the woods to keep your sanity. :no::@

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Pete...you are closer to being a redneck than you might think.....lets see, you like guns , you hunt and fish and don't mind guttin' either one, you now live in the country, you like to drive fast and power brake and take turns at a high rate of speed like the nascar guys , very protective of your family, friends , and fishin spots , you enjoy grillin' and chillin .....and you like drinkin beer!!! You're halfway there Pete......when you change the name of your boat from"on the lam" to ......................."on the lamb" , we'll know you"re getting close!! .....only kidding. Good luck Pete.

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Pete...you are closer to being a redneck than you might think.....lets see, you like guns , you hunt and fish and don't mind guttin' either one, you now live in the country, you like to drive fast and power brake and take turns at a high rate of speed like the nascar guys , very protective of your family, friends , and fishin spots , you enjoy grillin' and chillin .....and you like drinkin beer!!! You're halfway there Pete......when you change the name of your boat from"on the lam" to ......................."on the lamb" , we'll know you"re getting close!! .....only kidding. Good luck Pete.

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Lmao Steve. I think your right!!!

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Moved in yesterday..... the advise is coming in handy already. Let the dog out this morning, walked out on the deck dropped trow and let it fly. Pissing at daybreak on the mums is alright!!

I think a burn barrel might be next. Stay tuned.

BTW. I kept the garbage in the garage as instructed. Nobody told me the bears would raid the recycling too! Mayonnaise salad dressing orange juice containers apparently are a delicasy

Big mess.

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Hey Pete...... i hope all is well in your new house.....sleeping well etc.. If you have to leave any garbage, or re-cyclables outside, make up a spray bottle of bleach and spray the garbage inside the bag, tie the bag shut, then spray the outside of the bag when you get put it outside. Spray your bottles and cans in the re-cylables too. Animals seem to stay clear of all my garbage when i spray it with bleach.( mark the spray bottle"bleach"...it works really well Pete.

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You are right on that sea squirrel.....but Pete is only half red....he'll get there. I sure don't pay for no garbage service. My bags and bottles and junk get loaded into my jeep in the a.m......then hauled to work and I throw them in the dumpster at work!! Don't use my barrel to much anymore....bears keep knocking it over and root through the ashes and burnt out cans and stuff. But they'll be sleeping in a couple months from now up my way.BTW Pete, be sure to have some target practice on that 55 gallon burning barrel.....50 or 100 random holes in it will get good air circulation for a fire...and poke some holes into it with a pick or a hard bar.

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Thanks for all the advise Steve, I will put it to use... btw i will be going to Redneck Bootcamp for deer season at Greys (seasquirrel) house. This will be my 6th season so I have had some top of the line Red' friends to sponge off of!!! :yes::yes::beer:

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For the people who really know me on this board they will tell u i am the furthest thing from a redneck, but i do enjoy hanging with them whether its hunting, fishing or just banging back beers. Its all good!!

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Denial. Possibly the most important stage in the transition. Soon you will be reciting affirmations such as "well at least I don't like NASCAR", "I have all my teeth", "I say clever words like 'affirmations' on web forums about fishing". Then one day someone will share their opinion of what a redneck is; and every sentence will be an indictment of you and the way you have been living your life right down to your favorite beer. You will realize that your neighbors don't find your male dog as interesting and harmless as you do and his urinating on their bushes isn't ok with them. People who aren't rednecks smile and wave to stay neighborly. Your dog starts to head into the woods and at the top of your lungs in a gruff commanding voice you yell at your dog until he returns. It doesn't matter that its 10:00 on a school night, you don't need your dog running away again tonight.

When your dog returns you have him jump over your lap and sit in the passenger seat of your truck while you go to the Quick Check to get a case of beer.

After you worked all night under the hood of your truck, rippin camo cans of Busch that you only bought because Quick Check finally got the camo cans back in stock; You wake up the next morning and put on the same sweatshirt and sweatpants from the night before; you see the oil stains but decide no one will notice. You go to the deli in your nicest newest untied sneakers for breakfast at 11:00 am not having combed your hair, shaved, bathed, or tucked in the draw string on those sweatpants.

The girl in front of you in line is pretty cute, and if this was 10 years ago she would have been all yours.

You get your double bacon double egg and cheese on a bagel with extra ketchup to go because you have places to go. You get back on the road and no sooner do you take a bite of your bagel does a giant glob of melted cheese fall onto your sweatshirt. You grab up as much of the cheese as you can and let your dog who is leaning in to investigate lick up the rest. You still don't think the stains are that bad.

You look up and see the car in front of you has an Obama Biden 2012 bumper sticker. The Church Bell scene from Blazing Saddles immediately comes to mind. You want to buy more guns.

You get to your destination and the gentleman who placed the ad on craigslist comes out to greet you. He is missing a hand. This will be the second camouflage boat you bought from a man with one hand. This gentleman is much more pleasant than the last guy. That last guy was screaming at his grandpa the whole time you were in Toms River looking at the boat and the motor blew up within a mile of the boat launch! You quickly agree to a price and give the man a check and hope there is enough in the account to cover it. You had $500 in cash, in case he had something else you could make a low ball offer on but all he had was an old Stella Artrois tap that you got for $20. You like the finer things in life.

Driving home with your second camouflage boat in tow, that $500 is really itching a hole in your pocket so you stop back in Quick Check and get $100 worth of scratch offs. You are sitting in your truck using your lucky red dock key on your fifth Cashword Doubler, when a loud muffler catches your attention. You see an unattractive couple of larger proportions struggling to exit their vehicle. They crumple up their pack of Sonomas and throw it on the ground. Their cigarette butts hit the concrete, but the burn holes in their #3 Dale Earnhardt shirts point to a time when the ashes didn't fall far enough.

As the rusty car door slams you think to yourself, "look at these freaking Rednecks."

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I guess there's a lot of "redneck" in all of us! Thanks for sharing,Hank! Steve.....................

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